


Something Better

by Velvet_Crowe



Series: Something Begun [3]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Character Analysis, Developing Relationship, Graphic, Hisoka's Issues, Illumi's Issues, M/M, Psychological Trauma, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-08-11 16:47:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7900375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Velvet_Crowe/pseuds/Velvet_Crowe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Illumi has a past; Hisoka has a past. Their future is a function of both histories.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Burning the poison

**Author's Note:**

> This is the third installment in the Something Begun series. It, like the second, builds on the same story, so will not make much sense on its own. 
> 
> This work has reverted back to Illumi's perspective. Like both other works, the tone is very dark and serious. 
> 
> In keeping with traumatic and traumatizing things, there are very graphic and very ugly happenings. The first scene is particularly bad, so if you wish to avoid some of the suffering, skip to the second chapter. This is designed to be an analysis of how scarring these experience would be, and how deeply Illumi would be affected by them; so it does get real bad. 
> 
> Please don't read if it's too uncomfortable.
> 
> Special thanks to Phase7 and Renangel for their perpetual assistance with these things!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Illumi dreams, just like everyone else. His subconscious just has a little more to deal with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very graphic and non-consensual scene. Noted as just a dream, but still very ugly. Please be warned, or skip ahead.

This was a dream. 

****

Illumi stared blankly at the wall. He didn’t want this, but it was likely the only way to garner Hisoka’s attention again. 

****

The client thrust the toy into his ass. It still hurt. This toy was round, and it stretched his entrance too much. The client let it sit inside him for a minute, watching his plastic penetrate Illumi. He then pulled it back out. Not all the way, just to the point where the widest part held open Illumi’s ring of muscle. It hurt worse. Illumi clenched involuntarily, but the client held the toy in his ass where he knew it would stretch him the most. Illumi’s back jerked, and the client laughed. 

****

“It’s so much fun watching how much your body loves my toys. Let’s see if we can’t have some more fun.”

****

He shoved the toy back inside, causing Illumi’s hole to close around it. 

****

It was a dream. 

****

“Open your mouth.”

****

Illumi did so. The client slipped a gag ring behind his teeth, that forced his mouth to stay open. The cold metal left a sharp tang against his tongue. 

****

“Look at me.”

****

Illumi flicked his eyes up to the client’s. The other man stroked himself off in front of Illumi. He reached down to stroke Illumi’s cheek. 

****

“Now, I’ve invited some friends over for this. Don’t worry, you’ve worked for them all at one point or another, so it’s perfectly legitimate for them to participate. I hope you didn’t eat before arriving, since you’re about to swallow more cum than you ever have before.”

****

Right on cue, the door opened and several men, whom Illumi did indeed recognize, walked in. There were six of them total. 

****

Hisoka could kill them all in under a sixth of a second.

****

“Ah, gentlemen, see what a perfect assassin we’ve found? Let’s see if we can’t get him ready for his next assignment. 

****

“It looks like you’ve started preparing him already, one of the bigger men said, coming to stand behind Illumi, spreading his ass cheeks to look at the toy inside of him. Illumi had not been fucked by this man before, he had thought the man was straight. Apparently, that was incorrect. “Mind if I start this off.”

****

Illumi closed his eyes as the second man yanked the toy out of him. 

****

“Have at it.”

****

This was only a dream. 

****

The man began thrusting into Illumi. He was bound with his arms behind his back a collar around his neck, tethering him to the floor. So he had no leverage with which to support himself. His hips were held up by a thin metal bar he was bent over. Every time the man pushed into him, he could feel the cold metal press against his own cock. 

****

One of the others moved around to stand in front of him. 

****

“Look at that mouth…” That was all he said, before shoving himself inside Illumi’s throat. The ring was big enough that the man’s cock fit through it. 

****

Illumi was fucked from both ends, the thrusts in his ass pressing the cock in his mouth deeper into his throat. The man in his mouth finished first, dumping hot semen into his throat. The ring prevented Illumi from closing his lips, so a trail of the white fluid leaked down his chin. 

****

His first client slapped him. “Do not insult my guests. Swallow everything.”

****

He slapped Illumi again, until Illumi pushed his tongue awkwardly through the ring and tried to lick the cum from his chin. He barely tasted the bitter liquid, before another cock shoved into his mouth pushing his tongue back inside. 

****

Hisoka was late. 

****

This went on and on. Whenever one of them spilled a load into either his mouth or his ass, another would come to fuck him some more. As they took turns, the ones who had already cum were able to stroke themselves back into hardness while watching him take two more cocks at once. 

****

There was a streak of obsessive compulsion in the group, because they didn’t stop until he had six different loads of cum in his stomach, and six loads worth dripping from his ass. 

****

The men laughed and congratulated each other, moving to the other side of the room for drinks. They left Illumi tied to the bar, feeling sick to his stomach from the alkaline mess in his gut. After some time, a few of the clients departed. Two stayed, the original man and the one who had fucked his ass first. 

****

They came back and untied him from the bar, leaving his arms bound behind his back. 

****

“We’re not quite done yet.”

****

It wasn’t real. 

****

They pushed him down onto his back, one of them reached down and grabbed his cock. This was unusual, as normally Illumi was fucked and dismissed. The man stroked him gently though, causing his dick to become erect despite his complete lack of arousal. As soon as the cock was hard, they tied a ring around the base, preventing it from softening or finishing. 

****

“Now, three hard dicks in the room… This one’s taken care of, let’s see if we can fix the other two.”

****

The bigger man, pulled Illumi onto his stomach and lowered the assassin onto his cock as the other man lined them up. He bounced Illumi up and down a few times, causing his own cock to wag painfully and his stomach to roil with the sloshing of cum.

****

The smaller client pushed Illumi back so he was laying on the other, with the dick still in his ass. The man behind him reached around to pinch his nipples. 

****

The man in front of him, pushed his legs further out and lined himself up with Illumi’s already full hole. Illumi’s eyes widened. He thoroughly fucked right now, but he was nowhere near stretched enough for two dicks in his ass at once. 

****

The client didn’t care. He pushed in, so that Illumi was unevenly stretched by the two erections now inside him. Illumi tossed his head back instinctively, grunting, nearly hitting the first man in the nose. 

****

“Fuck! Don’t move! We’re going to fuck you right now, and you’re going to take it.”

****

They proceeded to do exactly as they said. Fucking his asshole, slick with cum. The one behind him kept a vice on one nipple and a hand around his throat holding him down. The one on top of him would occasionally lean over to press his tongue into Illumi’s mouth, still held open by the ring. 

****

Illumi felt the cocks slide against him, always stretching as they each angled to hit the walls of his hole. It took quite some time before the two men finished inside him. His throat was sore from both the fuckings and the chokings. 

****

Just a dream.

****

When they were done, the men stood and moved to leave the room, leaving Illumi with a gag still in his mouth, his arms tied behind his back, and a ring around his cock. 

****

“Payment is on the desk,” the first client called back as the door swung closed behind them. 

****

Illumi flexed his arms, snapping he bonds, and brought them to his chest to rub feeling back into his hands. He released the gag, feeling his jaw ache as he closed it for the first time in hours. 

****

He was unsure what to do about his cock, still hard from having been worked up and then left tied. He undid the ring, and felt himself cum. It hurt. As much as the fucking had. He spurt white fluid, matching what dripped from his ass, for a minute. It was painful from the prolonged delay and the soreness around the base. 

****

When he had finished, he stood and retrieved the payment. 

****

It was just a dream. But Hisoka still hadn’t come.

 


	2. Finding your hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Illumi decides Hisoka is necessary, among other things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Safe chapter, not so graphic.

Illumi had discovered he disliked his showers now. He’d return from a mission or workout, do everything else he could, before racing through the washing process as quickly as possible. 

****

Then, he’d emerge, stare at his bed, and leap out the window. He’d been trained on how to sleep in holes in the ground, so he’d dig a spot, somewhere near the sparring grounds, and sleep for the minimum number of hours. When he woke, he would need a shower again, and hate it just as much as he had the day before. 

****

He had just emerged from the bathroom, when he was summoned to speak with his father. He dressed quickly and went to receive his next mission. 

****

The job was intricate. The client wanted the target to die at the exact minute a wire transfer would occur, both timed with the landing of a third party’s airship. Illumi and his father spent some time going over the logistics. 

****

“You’ll need someone to watch the landing strip,” his father noted. “Your clown associate should be able to handle it.”   
  


“He is no longer affiliated with us,” Illumi replied, evenly, without looking up.

****

His statement was accurate. Hisoka hadn’t been seen on estate grounds in a little over three months. Not even in dreams. 

****

“I see. Your grandfather will be available then. I’ll inform him you’ll…”

****

“No,” Illumi interrupted. “I will handle it.”

****

Illumi looked up to meet his father’s eyes. It wouldn’t take much. Just a pin in the correct brain and he would have the eyes he needed. He stared resolutely at his father.

****

“Hmm, very well. I suggest you leave now then.”

****

“Understood.”

****

His father began gathering up the blueprints, refiling them, and pulling out documents for the next assignment. Illumi turned to leave. 

****

“Illumi.”

****

The younger assassin turned back. 

****

“Have you asked yourself how he knew?”

****

Illumi tilted his head. His father eyed him sharply, before moving back to the files. Illumi understood he was dismissed and departed the mansion. 

****

The job was tricky indeed. Illumi found that the mark had hired several new bodyguards within the past twenty four hours, that had not been accounted for in the plans. Under other circumstances it wouldn’t have been a problem, but with the ultra-exact timeline he was working with, Illumi had to take a knife between his ribs to keep to the schedule. 

****

He called to inform the client that he was done. 

****

“I see…” a brief pause, “There have been rumors floating about. Well, I’m not one to gossip, but they’ve said you had rescinded some services due to a peremptory contract? Is that still in effect?”

****

Illumi looked down, swallowing.

****

“Yes.”

****

“Ah, unfortunate. I will wire the payment to the agreed upon account.”

****

Illumi hung up. He stood, staring at the ground, with blood soaking into his shirt.  When it started to rain, he moved.

****

He returned to the mansion. The butlers treated the stab. Twelve stitches. They left him with ointment to rub on the surface to protect from infection. He stared down at the innocuous white tube.

****

How had Hisoka known?

****

Illumi knew the clown well enough to know that his illusory omnipotence actually came from shrewd observation and immaculate timing. So, how had he known?

****

He took a dab from the tube and rubbed it against the cut, feeling the sting, but not caring. 

****

If Hisoka had been there this evening, he may not have needed to take that knife. Or perhaps if they had continued their sparring, Illumi would have improved enough to have avoided injury. Hisoka was an asset in his line of work. It would be perfectly legitimate for Illumi to contact him, for purposes of reinstating those activities. The magician had said he would be available for missions.

****

But it wasn’t his assistance on missions Illumi wanted. He pressed harder on the wound, reproving himself for that thought. 

****

He wandered back up to his room. The pins were clean, his clothes sent for mending, dinner eaten. He stood in front of the shower, watching the water fall. He was blood splattered and grimy. He should shower. 

****

After bathing, Illumi found himself staring at his bed once again. He was injured and tired. He should sleep. He leapt out the window, to dig a hole near the usual tree. 

****

Buried in the earth, hidden from everything, Illumi concluded Hisoka was necessary to further his effectiveness as an assassin. He would need to negotiate with the magician for a return to the sparring exercises at the very least. 

****

Illumi tilted his head against mud wall. Perhaps he could convince him to start spending the night again. This time, the assassin was too worn to chastise himself for such desires. 

****

Illumi made these decisions, just as he was pulled back into his usual dreams. 

 


	3. Break to heal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Illumi starts to understand what he needs and takes action to get there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not so graphic; actually incredibly safe compared to most other parts.

Illumi stood on the roof of the crumbling building watching the other two in the window across the desolate street. 

****

Hisoka lay on the bed, with his hands folded under his head, turned away from Illumi’s perch. The other man knelt above him, working his fingers deep into the tissue beneath him. They were both shirtless. Illumi could see the errors dark haired man was making in his work; Hisoka’s fighting style put the most stress on the lower trapezius between his shoulder blades, not the lats where the man was focussing his attention. 

****

Illumi waited, debating if he should interrupt. His decision to request Hisoka resume their sparring matches seemed an inadequate reason. He could simply leave Hisoka a message with his request. Ilumi hesitated; he wanted Hisoka to agree, and contact by phone gave the magician a chance to ignore him. 

****

He decided to wait, sitting with his arms around his knees on the roof. He studied the street below him, bare of all but a single vagabond, hobbling away to the south. It would have been a perfect assassination opportunity had there been a target. 

****

He glanced back, to see if they had finished yet. 

****

He saw the man run his hands up Hisoka’s spine, gripping the magician’s neck tightly. Illumi sprang to his feet preparing to stop the man from strangling Hisoka, until he saw Hisoka’s head turn back to the pillows to grant greater access. The man worked his thumbs into the muscle, just below the red hair. 

****

Illumi settled back, to watch at the city. There was a potential mark nineteen blocks east, but his grandfather had taken that job. Maybe he should help while he waited. 

****

The second glance showed the man leaning low over Hisoka’s back, balancing on his palms and using his whole weight to release the tension beneath. Illumi wondered if Hisoka was enjoying himself. 

****

Illumi looked back down to stare at his knees. He should not care that there was another touching his associate. He should not care that the man was doing it incorrectly. He shook himself; he should aid his grandfather. 

****

He rose to leave. The quick glance he threw over his shoulder, stopped Illumi cold. 

****

Hisoka and the black haired man had switched places. Hisoka now massaged the pale skin of the other below him, pale hands covering much of the man’s matching muscular back. 

****

Illumi watched, painfully fascinated. 

****

Hisoka’s fingers were clever, teasing along the muscles until he found the sore spot and worked in vigorously. Illumi was sure the dark haired man was blissfully enraptured; he was a fool if he wasn’t. 

****

Illumi looked away.

****

He was an assassin, and assassins didn’t have Hisokas. They had marks. And, his or not, there was a mark nineteen blocks east. He ran across the roofs, to where his grandfather’s target waited. Maybe it would take long enough that the magician and his friend would be gone by the time Illumi returned. 

****

He found the mark twelve minutes later, already dead. Illumi surveyed the scene with a professional eye; the kill was clean. 

****

Flawless. 

****

He felt his grandfather’s presence at the top of the taller skyscraper to his left. He leapt and scaled to the roof. 

****

The old assassin was observing the scene below. He glanced at Illumi after standing together in silence for a short while. Illumi shrugged.

****

“I was nearby. I came to see if I could be of assistance, but it appears you are already done.”

****

The flashing lights below, two police cars and one ambulance.

****

“Perfect, as always,” Illumi commented. It was true; Illumi was good, but it would take him decades before he was at the same level as his grandfather. Hence his reasons for trying to re-engage Hisoka’s services.

****

The older assassin nodded, acknowledging the compliment.

****

They returned to silence. Eventually his grandfather glanced over to him, asking him with subtle impatience why he was actually here. Illumi answered the unasked question obediently.

****

“I was waiting for an associate. He is occupied at the moment, and I did not wish to interrupt.”

****

His grandfather turned to look at him fully. Illumi realized he had sounded sad. He berated himself, he was better than that. 

****

“Your father told me you had found a useful ally,” his grandfather stated. “Those are hard to come by. Perhaps you should interrupt him.”

****

Illumi turned back to the crime scene below. What else had his father and grandfather discussed about him?    
  


His father had approached Illumi only once, after he and Hisoka’s supposed discussion, to tell him to speak with him when he was ready. Illumi assumed it to be a failsafe, in case he began performing subpar in his assignments. For some reason, he’d rather have those conversations with Hisoka. Therefore, he had thrown himself into his jobs with determined excellence to alleviate any such doubts about his capabilities. Of course, it was likely that his father and grandfather had been evaluating his performance anyway. 

****

In regards to the current situation however, Hisoka had been absent from his life for several months now; it was unlikely this would be a moment he’d wish for Illumi to intrude upon. 

****

“I do not think he would appreciate it.” 

****

Illumi stood still, only his hair rippling in the breeze.

****

His grandfather sighed, and turned away. “If it needs doing, go do it.”

****

Illumi didn’t look as his grandfather left the roof. Illumi studied the body being carried to the ambulance. Exquisite. His grandfather was the ultimate assassin. His advice should be heeded.

****

Illumi closed his eyes, picturing Hisoka as he had been in the shower, letting the image erase the sight of him under another man. His eyes flashed open. He wanted Hisoka. Assassins should want nothing, but...Did his grandfather not just tell him to go? 

****

He returned the way he came. The window where he’d seen Hisoka before was dark. 

****

Illumi crossed the street and too soon found himself outside the correct room. He knocked before he couldn’t. 

****

The door was opened by the man he’d observed earlier. Now, Illumi could appreciate the beauty of the person Hisoka was spending his time with. Dark grey eyes, short black hair, delicate sculpted jaw, intricate blue tattoo. Powerful. Strong. 

****

If pressed, Illumi could guess who stood before him; he chose not to think about it. The stranger waited for him to explain why he was at his door. 

****

“I am looking for Hisoka,” Illumi stated. 

****

“He stepped out a short while ago,” a musical voice responded. 

****

Illumi nodded. He couldn’t detect Hisoka inside, so it was likely true. He turned to leave. 

****

“Are you the reason he’s been so malcontent?” the voice asked, curiously.

****

Illumi looked back, blankly. “I have upset him in the past, so it is possible.”

****

The stranger nodded, and watched him leave down the hall. Illumi saw the man watching him as the elevator doors closed. 

****

He reached the lobby and walked out into the new rain. And stopped. 

****

Hisoka was leaning against the wall to the side, shuffling his cards. Illumi wondered if the magician had noticed his presence earlier.

****

“Illumi,” he greeted, politely and dangerously, “Are you looking for me?”

****

“Yes,” Illumi stood, not knowing how close he should get to the magician. The stranger had not been incorrect; Hisoka was not pleased. “I came to request a renewal of our sparring sessions.”

****

Hisoka’s eyes narrowed, but Illumi did not give him a chance to disagree. 

****

“Please.”

****

Hisoka’s eyes widened. Illumi swallowed while waiting for a response. He wondered if the magician was too occupied by the stranger upstairs to be available. It was not until Illumi’s hair was thoroughly soaked by the downpour, that Hisoka slowly nodded his head. 

****

Illumi closed his eyes, relieved. 

****

“Will you be available tomorrow?”

****

“Yes.”

****

Illumi nodded, and turned away. He felt Hisoka start after him, but he had accomplished what he had come for and now needed to be as far away from Hisoka, and the stranger who waited for him, as possible. 

****

He vanished into the night, taking the skills his grandfather had taught him and disappearing. 

 


	4. Ripping hearts out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Illumi lets go; Hisoka catches him.

Illumi’s nightmares held him captive a little longer that night, dragging on and rewinding and repeating. He could feel it was nearing midday when he finally escaped into the real world, buried beneath the earth. He could also tell that Hisoka was nearby, waiting for him. 

****

He surprised Hisoka by emerging from the ground beneath his feet. The assassin took one look at the magician, leaning casually against the tree, before launching into battle. 

****

In the clinical side of his mind, Illumi recalled the purpose of this activity. To spar. To box with someone as a form of training or practice. 

****

This was not sparring. 

****

Neither man reached for his weapons. The needles stayed pinned. The cards stayed shuffled. Illumi wanted to rend Hisoka with his bare hands, and Hisoka seemed to want something similar. 

****

It was for real this time. 

****

Illumi caught the gold eyes boring into him as he raked his claws along Hisoka’s chest. He felt Hisoka’s own nails gouge into his shoulder. 

****

They fought. Each minute bloodying each other a little more. 

****

After about an hour, Illumi noticed Hisoka had stopped attacking. The magician still countered and reciprocated every strike Illumi threw, but he wasn’t taking the initiative to aggres anymore. Illumi grew angry that the man was simply defending himself. Right now, all he wanted was to fight the magician at his strongest, returning every inch of hurt he wasn’t supposed to have felt. 

****

The blows became more purposeful. He struck at Hisoka for every minute the magician had been gone. He slashed at Hisoka for every muscle the the stranger had touched. And for every stroke Hisoka had ever run through his hair. 

****

The clown was bloodier than Illumi at this point, not returning the furious onslaught of claws. He flipped Illumi over his head and pounced backwards to gain a breath before Illumi fell upon him again. 

****

All too soon, the hits stopped being about Hisoka.

****

Illumi’s training took over and the fight became automatic. In the autopilot console of his mind, Illumi tagged every hit against the magician for what it represented. 

****

Every thrust a client had ever made. Every toy pushed inside him. Every kiss and tongue forced in his mouth. Every load of cum left in or on his body.

****

It took four hours before Illumi ran out of things to hit Hisoka with. The magician was in bad shape, bleeding from dozens of gashes, shallow and deep, hiding several broken bones, and compensating for a handful of strained muscles. Not that Illumi was in much better condition, having exhausted himself, while still taking damage from Hisoka’s counterstrikes.

****

Illumi’s anger persisted though. He wanted Hisoka to fight back. He wanted his sparring partner. And he wanted to not be alone in his anger and hurt. 

****

Hisoka had been manipulating the fight up to this point. Letting Illumi beat and bloody him, because he thought Illumi needed it and because he could take it. But Illumi wanted some of that power back, to not be condemned to shameful dismissal as the broken thing.

****

Illumi would have a say in how this fight proceeded. 

****

Illumi threw a new volley of attacks at the magician, relentless and fluid, but very deliberately leaving an opening on his right side. It was small, something only an elite fighter would leave and most normal opponents wouldn’t have even noticed. But small weaknesses like that were what separated elite fighters from the magicians and assassins of the world. Illumi knew Hisoka would notice it, and would mark it as the cap on Illumi’s potential. And knowing that, the magician would have to take it. 

****

Hisoka liked strong things. A weakness like that was not something he could forgive.

****

Illumi felt satisfied when he felt Hisoka’s fist connect with his ribs, the same ones that had had a knife driven between them a few days earlier, now crushed with the force of the magician’s strength. 

****

It hurt. But it was worth the pain.

****

Hisoka’s eyes were furious when they flicked up to Illumi’s, disappointment blazing at how much effort he had put into something that hadn’t been worth it. Illumi had been right, that that small weakness had turned him from treasure to trash just that fast. 

****

But then Hisoka saw the even smaller smile on the assassin’s lips. 

****

The yellow eyes widened and Illumi knew that he knew. 

****

Hisoka knew why Illumi had let him hit him. 

****

The force from the blow threw them off balance. They fell atop each other, the effort to stand no longer worth the trouble. 

****

The assassin’s breath was labored, near deafening compared to his usual silence, because of the bone shards digging into his lung. He wondered if Hisoka would kill him now. It was certainly possible, the damage to his ribs was significant. He was barely able to breathe; defending effectively was no longer feasible. 

****

Hisoka did not take the opportunity. He instead balanced his weight to the side, so as not to crush Illumi’s ribs further. He rested on his hip and forearm, hand curling around to rest protectively against the top of Illumi’s head. The other hand lightly covered the broken ribs, acknowledging the injury’s significance.

****

The cut on Hisoka’s cheek oozed slowly, blood dripping down once per every two minutes, splashing against Illumi’s own beneath him. 

****

They stared at each other, never once taking the time to blink. Illumi watched the yellow eyes shift from amusement to something he couldn’t identify. 

****

After four drops of blood, Hisoka leaned down, offering Illumi the option to kiss him. Illumi took it; all the reasons not to had been expended in the fight. He was desperate for the taste of the magician’s mouth after three months without. And Hisoka kissed back, not restraining himself at all. 

****

There was no need for anything else, so they lay there, re-memorizing each other’s lips. When Illumi nipped Hisoka’s bottom lip, the magician smiled into the kiss, knowing what the assassin was requesting, and responded as he had the first time, slipping his his tongue around Illumi’s to possess the other’s mouth. 

****

Illumi eventually turned his head, needing to breathe, rather than desiring to stop. He held Hisoka’s mouth to his skin though, and the magician continued the kiss along Illumi’s jaw, nipping the sensitive flesh just below the corner, but returning quickly to the assassin’s for another short, but passionate kiss.

****

Illumi started to blackout, equally due to limited lung capacity, pain, and exhaustion. The minimal sleep he’d endured for months could also no longer be ignored. 

****

He vaguely noticed Hisoka standing, pulling his arm around his shoulders to slide him onto his back, and locking his hands beneath his ass to support his weight, as he carried the assassin up to the house. 

****

He succumbed to the blackness somewhere along the way, mercifully too broken to even dream. 

 


	5. Restructuring your home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Illumi has control issues, but perhaps in this case it's not such a bad thing.

This time the client was gentle. He slid his hands down Illumi’s back, slickness forming as he reach between Illumi’s cheeks. He circled the tight entrance, before sliding a single finger inside. 

****

Since it was a dream and the client could not see, it was permissible for silent tears to trail slantways across Illumi’s face, dampening the pillow beneath his cheek. 

****

The client lubricated and prepared Illumi thoroughly, moving from one digit to two and scissoring well, before slowly sliding his length inside. He thrust gently the first few times, letting Illumi acclimate to the penetration, before increasing the pace and thrusting through to a groaning climax. 

****

It felt slick and sticky as always. Illumi wondered if Hisoka’s cum would feel any different. The entire dream paused, as Illumi tried to imagine the expression the magician’s face would hold when he came. Illumi felt himself harden at the thought. 

****

The dream resumed. 

****

Illumi held still, as the client reached around him to grasp his newly erect length. The client was uniformly kind; stroking Illumi into full hardness, before resuming his thrusts. 

****

Illumi lay on his side and took it. But he hated it. 

****

The gentleness only made it worse; Hisoka had been gentle too; Illumi wanted the magician’s touch to be unique that way, separating it from all the others. He closed his dream eyes and remembered asking Hisoka to touch him the same way the client was stroking him now. Though both touches were tender, they were different; he didn't know how, since they both boiled down to someone else stroking his cock. But they were different because he only enjoyed one. 

****

He squeezed his eyes closed, when he came into the client’s hand. That felt different too. 

****

The process repeated. 

****

Illumi was prepared for a full night of intercourse just like this, but at some point during his third fucking, Illumi’s body stood and walked away from the client. 

****

The dream scape consisted of only this room, so Illumi moved as far from the client as he could and stood resting his forehead against the plaster. 

****

When the client came to stroke his hair and ass from behind, Illumi moved again. 

****

It went on like this. The client would move to where Illumi was, and Illumi would move away. After what felt like forever of the slowest game of cat and mouse, Illumi found a door, one he hadn't noticed before. 

****

He walked through it simply to break the monotony of being locked in this room.  Looking over his shoulder, the client stood in the doorway watching, but he didn't seem to be able to follow. 

****

Illumi turned and walked away. With the subconscious reality expanding around him, he decided the dream would allow him to go search for something different. 

****

Illumi awoke in his bed. He was confused; his dreams had been the same for months, but never had he been able to walk away. He had become so inured to the memories, that waking without have been fully fucked was disorienting. It was odder though, waking in his bed after months of sleeping in the ground. And it was oddest yet that there were long fingers combing through his hair. 

****

It felt perfect, until Illumi realized that it was real.

****

“Please stop.” Illumi didn't want to remember these caresses if they were just going to disappear again. 

****

Hisoka’s pale hands stilled. “Do you not like it?”

****

“I do not wish to become accustomed to it.”

****

He felt Hisoka laughing silently behind him. “If that is your only objection, then you must forgive me for ignoring it.”

****

Illumi considered arguing, but Hisoka’s fingers gently tucked a lock behind his ear and he decided he could enjoy it while it lasted. 

****

“Why are you here?” Illumi asked, both pleased and distrustful at the man's presence in his bed. 

****

“Do you wish me to leave?”

****

“Are you not expected elsewhere?” Illumi wondered how long he had been unconscious. Had Hisoka been here the whole time or had left and returned? Illumi blinked, considering where Hisoka might have come from. 

****

“No.”

****

They lay in silence for a few minutes. Illumi took an inventory of his condition; his ribs hurt, but less so than he would have expected. Based on his usual recovery rates, he estimated it to have been three days since they were broken. Other than those bones however, he determined he was fully functional. 

****

“How did you know I wouldn’t kill you?” Hisoka asked, interrupting his calculations.

****

Illumi turned his head to regard the magician behind him. 

****

“I didn’t.” 

****

The hands froze. 

****

“You didn’t?” asked Hisoka, not hiding his shock at all. “You had no idea if I'd let you live after letting me disable you?”

****

Illumi turned away. “No.”

****

He curled into himself, beating back the sharp pain in his side, as he felt the magician pull him back, tight against his chest. He felt Hisoka’s lips press against the shell of his ear.  

****

“I love you.”

****

Illumi’s eyes flashed open. 

****

He turned his face away from the magician, pushing deeper into the pillow. Hisoka was indeed a talented liar, but Illumi had firm proof of the impossibility of what the magician had just said. Why did he wish to believe it then?

****

“I am not family.”

****

Hisoka laughed quietly into his hair.  “I don’t care.”

****

“But…” Illumi wasn’t sure what the appropriate question to ask was. “Are you not…? What about him?”

****

“Who?”

****

“The night before. You were with him.” Illumi pushed his cheek further into the pillow, closing his eyes as he stood on that roof again. Hisoka’s hands stroked his hair.

****

“Hmm, no.”

****

“Then why…?” Illumi tried to breathe deeply, and trembled as he found the limits of his chest movement. 

****

“There is nothing intimate between us; our arrangement only exists to pass the time until I have the opportunity to fight him.” Hisoka waited for Illumi to react. 

****

Illumi didn't respond. Strong hands tried to turn him, but Illumi stiffened, so Hisoka's smooth voice elaborated over his shoulder.

****

“We used to sleep together. Now we merely trade favors. I wish to kill him one day.”

****

Illumi found that relationship discomfortingly familiar. “Do you not wish to kill me?”

****

Hisoka slid a hand beneath his cheek, ignoring the assassin’s stubborn resistance, and turned his head to face the yellow eyes. He leaned in to kiss the tip of Illumi’s nose. 

****

“But of course.”

****

Illumi saw the same unidentifiable emotion he had just before passing out, dancing in those pale eyes. Somehow, it solved the paradox. 

****

But there was another topic that needed to be addressed. He asked the question that had lingered irritatingly in the recesses of his mind since his father had brought it to his attention.

****

“How did you know?”

****

Hisoka smirked and kissed his nose again. “Illumi, I know most things. But what in particular are you referring to?”

****

“How did you know I had been raped?”

****

Hisoka’s eyes narrowed. He watched Illumi carefully for a long moment, thumb smoothing across the cheekbone, before saying, almost to himself, “That's the first time you've admitted it.”

****

Illumi frowned, waiting, but the magician didn't seem intent on answering the question. He tried the most logical variation. 

****

“Have you been raped?”

****

Hisoka stroked his face, wearing a smile not quite reaching his eyes. “No.”

****

“Then how?” Illumi wasn't sure why he needed to know, but he did. 

****

“Perhaps we should chalk this up to our age difference. You can learn a lot in four years.”

****

Illumi blinked, not willing to let this one go. The two men stared each other down, black eyes demanding the gold ones to open up. Just a little. Whatever Illumi’s face said convinced Hisoka to add one more line to the story. 

****

“The man who trained me liked to use me to break the other members of the caravan.”

****

Illumi nodded. Question answered.  

****

The assassin leaned in to kiss the magician’s lips. It began chastely, but neither wished to break it and it slowly grew more and more passionate. 

****

Illumi pulled the magician on top of him, ignoring the pressure on his ribs. It was dull compared to what he could take. He ran his hands down the magician’s back, resting along his waist. 

****

When Hisoka’s tongue explored it's way into Illumi’s mouth, Illumi pulled back. 

****

“Do you still wish to fuck me?”

****

Hisoka smiled and kissed him again before whispering, “Yes,” against his lips. 

****

“I want to have sex with you.” Illumi’s eyes narrowed. “And you do not get to decide if I am ready or not.”

****

Hisoka tilted his head, studying the assassin beneath him. “Hmm. Very well, but you do not get to stay silent.”

****

He leaned in to teasingly bite the tender flesh at the junction of jaw and neck. “If you want it, ask for it.” Hisoka pulled back just enough to turn his head to nip the other side of Illumi’s neck. “If you don’t want it, say it.”

****

Illumi’s eyes had closed as he let the unfamiliar sensations flow through him at the feel of Hisoka’s teeth against his skin. He opened them as he cupped the magician’s face forcefully and dragged the golden eyes up to meet his own.

****

He nodded and pulled the painted face back to his own to softly brush their lips together. 

****

“Undress me.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the late update. Dragon Con!
> 
> There will be one more chapter in this story, but I really need to think on it, because normal Hisoillu smut just won't cut it. No, Monsieur Chrollo will not be interfering in any sort of dramatic way it seems; there's been minimal plot in these ficlets and it seems wrong to mess with that. (Besides, he's screwing enough with my Hisoillu in the sequel to Everything at Once). 
> 
> Anywho, feedback is much appreciated, as well as any errors or completely out of character moments.


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